My contemplative friend

“The only thing we have to bring to community is ourselves, so the contemplative process of recovering our true selves in solitude is never selfish.  It is ultimately the best gift we can give to others.” ~Parker Palmer

The word contemplative came up at least a dozen times about two weeks ago.  Each time I heard the word, I pondered what it means to me at the moment I’m hearing it. 

I then heard from some of my students that a student I used to share Yoga and Pilates with died from a car accident. This beautiful soul-filled woman has been on my mind ever since.  

So, is this what this word arriving at me is all about?  Yes.  

I can’t begin to tell you how much I learned from this beautiful human.  I walked her through yoga and pilates poses, but each time she left, I was given another nugget of information about her life, her thoughts, her happiness, her sadness.  She was a very contemplative person. She was thoughtful in her words and her movements. When she stepped into my house the first time, I laughed and said, “You could live here without me knowing, you step so quietly.” She shared with me the story of her childhood and her grandmother's words of wisdom, emphasizing the importance of taking each step with intention and purpose, quietly, so as not to disturb nature. 

She told me that she loves being with other people, but then needs to go home to reset and be with herself.  This one I loved hearing.  

I have always considered myself an extrovert.  I grew up around many family and friends, so I never really knew what it meant to be by myself.  Then, as a parent, I thought it was selfish to want some quiet time and time to reset, but I felt too much guilt taking this time.  I still feel this way often, and listened to a podcast with Peter Atia and Charles Duhigg. 

Charles spoke about how taking time away from others is not selfish, but rather a way to build contemplative routines using stillness to unlock deeper productivity and creativity. “I am convinced that all of us could do better work if we did that.” This made me feel better and definitely less guilty.

This week, I went to “Write On Door County” to write. The setting is made for contemplation: the walking path, the benches with words of intention, and the kindness of the volunteers. I felt so blessed to find this space to breathe, write, and mourn my dear friend who taught me the importance of being in nature. 

If you feel like taking time for yourself in meditation, prayer, or contemplation is selfish. Think about how your gift of giving love to yourself can mean to your community.